I got this in an e-mail from a friend. It's too late for this year, maybe next year...
Merry Christmas to all of you...
Dear Santa, I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my childrenon demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-twocases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the schoolplayground.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, onthe back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes: I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; butare strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle inthe grocery store (or the McDonald's Playland tube). I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy (I have no excuse).
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hideto talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of powertools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in theliving room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in aStyrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brightent he holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup avegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding paymentas if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Al ways, MOM...!
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.
