More from Cali

My dad is a born and bred Utahn, and a cowboy. So, it goes without saying that he loved his farm dogs. He loves heelers. So, when we moved to Cali we got a Queensland Blue Heeler. We named her Jesse...and Jesse 2.



This is how it all went down. We drove to Utah for a mid-summer visit. It must have been aroun '84. We always had fun in Goshen because nearly all the cousins lived there and they had horses and trucks you could drive around the field, and hay to stack, and Grandma Mary had a family room the size of Jason's ugly new (old) Cadi that we held talent shows in. We brought Jessie with us.



Grandpa Henry and Grandma Virgie lived in the house across the driveway from Grandma Mary's House in what my mom affectionately calls "the compound" (3 homes within 40 feet of eachother sharing the farm). Grandpa Henry was in the haze of alzheimer's. We'd catch him peeing on the tires of the cars (we thought it was so cool), and my Uncle Brent would lock and re-lock and re-purchase locks for the cellar Grandpa Henry was always tyring to get in to get coal and such. He would tell us the greatest stories of his time playing baseball (was it semi-pro?), and all sorts of stuff that happened many moons ago, but he couldn't remember anything recent.



My parents elsewhere, my awesome, eclectic Aunt Kathy (Dad's Aunt), was sitting with me at Grandma Mary's when Grandpa Henry came in with Jessie's collar. I thought irritatingly, she had gotten away from it and now we'd have to search for her. Luckily, my fears were put to rest when Grandpa Henry asked, "Does this belong to anyone here? I just hit the dog." He said it like he was talking to the neighbors and honestly, after growing up on a farm, maybe that's how you'd say it to your grandkids too. Grandpa Henry made roadkill of our dog and what good did it do to be mad at a sweet old man with alzheimer's? So we moved on to Jessie 2. She had 3 puppies in the backyard dog run and my dad cropped their tales with our butcher knife. Another reason you are so cool if you grow up on a farm.

Talent Show

We were pleased to be presented with a talent show by an acclaimed cast, our creative babies.

Cast:

Isaac-Joseph

Liv-Mary

Mae-Baby Jesus, no...a cow, no...Baby Jesus

Georgia-a cow, no...Baby Jesus, no...a cow, no...a horse

Chloe-a sheep that bites

It was a beautiful recreation of the Christmas Story as you can well imagine. I can send an autographed copy of this press release photo if you send me a stamped, self-addressed envelope and $10.00.

Food For Thought

I've been thinking...


About this.

I share her views on this. But as much as I do, I would hardly believe that I and her Sis. Ryan could ever be peas in a pod. Thinking on this is probably as much as I can handle (let alone throwing in some action)

SideBar

I think my brother moonlights as the host of Cash Cab.

?

When I find a better picture we'll discuss it.

AquaPhobic

Little Mae-toes has suddenly and unexpectadly become water nuts. She must now bathe with another body or she entirely freaks out. Kind of a tush pain, but these are sweet...

And I hardly think Liv minds.

I have used my Christensen butt/thighs to bring to pass much good in my life. Not the least of which is becoming the all-time Chinese jumprope and "bars" champ at George S. Patton Elementary School in Ft. Ord California. *Which is why I didn't get beat up for wearing the Strawberry Shortcake knicker set my Aunt Chris made me, or the ribboned barrettes, complete with dangling star-ish shaped beads.

I jumped from ankles to ears when that rubberband rope (which I constructed), was pulled from my backpack. Though many a transient army brat tried, I was undefeatable. And, when I got bored with my Asian pastime I moved on to "the bars". Utah doesn't have bars like California has bars. We had rows of bars parallel to eachother about 5 feet apart and rising about 4 feet off the ground. We'd face eachother and gossip while we did our genie drops and various other death-defying tomfoolery. I could do anything you asked, and I did. Genie drops were a drop in the bucket. Within a couple of weeks of "the bars", I was doing everything with no hands. I shudder to think.

I got this picture from an ABC News article detailing the bacteria found on playground equipment across America. Really? Why are kids obese? Heaven forbid they get germs on their hands.

Once, while waiting for my brainiac brother to conference with his teacher (sans parents even, show-off), I decided to try the bars at the kindergarten playground on for size. Too small. Guess how I found out. Oh, the simple warm-up of a genie drop turned into a minor concussion that I was much too proud to tell anyone about. Imagine the full force of your body (starting in sitting position), being shoved back, in order to swing ones legs beneath oneself and land upright, hitting the ground at the base of the skull on sand covered asphalt. It was yummy. Maybe the concussion wasn't minor.

I wasn't dropped on my head as a baby. I was genie dropped at age 7.

Link

As you all know, I straightened my hair pre-Thanksgiving. It started curling up again and I tried to make it work for me, but it just wasn't right with some here, some there, some straight, some curly. So I went to Jason's beloved hippie MaryBeth, who is just darling and she permed me.

So, here is the link to my hair blog in case you're interested in seeing my new look. Isn't it FABULOUS!?

To be honest, it makes me look younger. Like 12. I should have said something when the curlers were going in. Poor MaryBeth has never seen me. She is Jason's go-to girl for a wash, deep condition, blow dry, and splitting of the eyebrows. She thought it would look more natural this way (a spiral). This is not natural.

As I've told a few friends, I'm pretending like I'm a supermodel and I wanted to look like this.

I LOVE the 80's!

And now, more about me.

While I'm nearly going to get carried away in the details of my s-i-l's wedding, I must pause and remember...

1983

New address, 411 Hayes Circle Fort Ord, CA

You could have called me at (408) 384-6666

We'll be here for a while. This was a good time for me. I remember a lot about Cali.

My dad was stationed in Cali before we could all leave WA. So, we took advantage of a school break (most likely- my madre was never one to spontaneously remove us from our curriculum), and drove down the coast to Monterey to visit dear old dad.

We were in the habit of "K-mart hogie picnics" :) and so it goes, we seized our samiches and headed to the shore. New in town, we just searched for a place to park near the sea and hiked down the sand-built mountain to the beach. As my father's daughter, it was my duty to need to do my duty immediately upon arrival.

Big Dan graciously volunteered to take me to a potty (surely having to go himself), and Colton tagged along. We did our business and headed back to our feast. I was looking down at the sand as I ran (you'd have thought we were from a landlocked state with our enthusiasm for all things ocean. We didn't get out much), when I heard Colton yell, "DAD!" I glanced up and to my delight, I saw my first naked man.

Oh mama, he was a sight too. Rushing away from the tide. Broad smile, jogging posture, "80 year old balls..." *Big Daddy* sorry, I had to say it. Yes. He was OLD. OLD. And happy as any of the clams beneath the sand on which he chased the sea water. Mid-his-own-jog, my dad scooped us up by the head, fingers pressed against our eyeballs and ran for home. By the time we found a beach that was not nude, our hogies were soggy. Oh, and we saw humpback whales migrating.

And that's how sex education should be done.

No sign of this sign

Charmed, I'm Sure

What you are about to witness is perhaps the greatest transformation of all time.

The prettiest bathroom you've ever seen...

Thanks to my br0-in-law Jeremy I got a fresh coat of plaster on my walls.

Thanks to Ray from Tile Utah I didn't have to stress over my not-so-plumb walls.

I plan to put each child's name above their towel hook.

After a visit with my balance board (all you mii's out there will understand), I will be the first to christen the new lav.

Like it Never Happened

I am enrichment leader and lucky me, the first 3 activities were pre-planned and mostly I showed up and hosted. Well, last week we had Mrs. Cora Sawyer (her love's name is Tom and one of her son's is Mark Twain Sawyer), for our Relief Society Birthday dinner. She displayed some of the most beautiful dresses and "drawers" dating from the 1800's. She knew story after story about her "Onery Armstrong" side of the family. She said (basically),

"If you don't write it down it's as if it never happened."

We were encouraged to write our history. You do it too.

So here goes.

Story #1

My Earliest Memory

As far as I know I was only 3 or 4 (1980) when this happened. I remember going to a large park in Washington. We were at some sort of festival. Colton and I were intrigued by all the goings on and especially with an area where there was water. I don't have the foggiest idea if it was a lake or a fountain, but I wanted to swim. Well, Colton, being of the male persuasion just stripped down to his skivvies. I, on the other hand, had to have a more creative solution to nakidity.

My dad was all over this. I distinctly remember being whisked into a potty and stripped down to the My Little Ponies's and my dad's long striped knee highs tied together in front and back to hide my baby boobs. I think even then I was slightly embarrassed. Probably didn't last long when I hit the agua. Thanks for not using duct tape and pennies dad.

Other 1980-ish stats:

-Lived at 5604 South Mullen, Tacoma

-I had a bowl cut, my mom, an afro, my bro the partridge family kid cut, my dad, same as today

-We had a robber break into our house and steal some jeans while we were in the back

-I went to The Little Red Schoolhouse

-We watched Star Trek laying on our giant pillows next to the fireplace my parents re-faced with diagonal cedar. That was a HOT look. (I took the same wood off of my fireplace in our first condo)

-We watched a 3d movie at home

-My dad was travelling for the Army all the time and my mom used to take Colton and I to a place called Racks (Rax?) for stroganoff baked potatoes and salad bar often.

-My mom's co-workers hired a stripper covered in balloons to surprise her on her birthday.

-My friend's dad used to call me Brandywine- what an idiot

-I would eat kimche at my Fillipino friend Jennifer's house.
-Colton took break dancing lessons from my bff Linda's brother, Mao. He was hot.

-I chased Colton around the house with a meat knife while we were being babysat. Don't know if my parents knew that one! :)

-I was jumproping at recess in my favorite grey and purple striped mini-skirt outfit when said skirt ended up around my ankles.

-Our school had a "Santa's Workshop" where we could buy gifts for our parents and I got my mom a faux gold fan necklace that really opened and closed. I was so proud.

-I jumped off the top of the "big toy" (playground) at our school, Manitou Elementary and bit through my tongue.

This is the Alma-mater today

-I had a shoe kicking fetish and kicked my shoe on top of the onery guy's grocery on the way home from school. I had to go ask the jerk if he'd get my shoe down. He actually did.

-Our babysitter's husband Mike Tysoned some guys ear up the street in a neighborhood feud.

-Our babysittery's son tore up his knee while we were playing pickle in the yard.

-Across the street from our babysitter lived an old man that had a grandson in a motorized wheelchair that used to run over us for fun.

-The people across the street from us had purple velvet curtains and tons of kids. 10 I think.

-I spilled something every dinner as I spun the lazy susan on our table.

-My brother got bitten by 3 dogs within a span of about a month.

-I had a big baby blue bike with a fat ol' seat. I dreamed of having a banana seat.

-I gave my parents a one-woman show singing "Ebony and Ivory", only I thought they said, "...on my kiano keyboard..." huh?

Pow WoW SeASoN

Who knew it ever ended? But, annually, the USU PowWow signals the new season. Shortly we'll do our favorite, BYU and also on to Weber and U of U.

Miss Liv is fashionably loud in her two, I say, TWO new fancy shawl regalias. Jason spoils her so. Unfortunately, I was parking while she pranced. Jason said she did sooo well until the end of the second song when she finally pooped out and simply bounced. She didn't place, but Jason was so excited at her dissapointment because it triggered the hunger to place he's been waiting for.


Poor Mr. I didn't dance. It's his own fault (and probably a bit his mother's). He was "making conversation" (hmm, where's he get that from?), at the Standifird's while accompanying his dad on a home teaching visit, when he said, "Not really," in answer to whether he enjoys dancing at powwows. Jason wanted to prove just how much he enjoys dancing.


This is sweet Aunt Dawn (on the left), the greatest family friend and designated hair braider. She just blew into town this year with the east wind to head up a study at the U of U. She lives in a posh seattle-licious like apartment in SLC (I'll have to document it someday). So glad she's here!


This plump little princess reminds me. I am seemingly very white. Hmph. Anyway, I don't travel light with my 40 lb. Nikon draped around my neck and often get dubbed "the fascinated white lady taking pictures and stealing our souls". Well, directly after this sweetheart patronizingly paused during an intertribal song so this white lady with the camera could get a good shot, a guy showed up to sing at the drum next to ours. I was seated in between the two drums and said guy says, "Chair." "Excuse me?" (I heard him).
More irritatingly, "Chair?"
Even more naively, "Sorry. Excuse me? Oh, my husband is drumming. He gave me this chair." What a wonder, he took an empty chair around the drum.
I was shaken. No one has ever treated me quite like that at a powwow. What are ya' new? I guess I need to come around more so they know I'm the fascinated white lady with 4 Native kids and a BIG Native man! Even more patronizing was said man when he asked me if I wanted him to go have a word with the meany. His buddy Ryan sache'd over after our conversation and filled him in I think. I hope he felt as retarded as he made me feel. That's what you get meany!

Cheating

I know, I know, I started another blog for this. But, this is different, this is special. As Saige so poetically put it at our family shower (wedding, we're not that sort of family!)this weekend, "I haven't had a baby brother or sister my whole life!"

Well now, by golly, she does!

Take THAT infertility!

Meet the Fam

Mandy, Robbie, Me, Julie, Brianne, and Becca

There was a pre-wedding celebration this weekend and we were able to get the shot we've all been waiting for, the cousins. Well, the girls anyway. We're short only one, Jenny.

We've all had our charge of setting grandma's tables for some holiday or another and getting lots of "treats" or "prizes" from said grandma. 90% of us have been bucked off a horse at the Goshen 24th celebration. About 20% of us have been royalty at said celebration.

And, besides the nose, eyes and freckles, a few of us also have "Christensen Butt".

We didn't catch that angle.

Teasing

Winter has been teasing us here in the U to the T. We've had 6o+ degree weather a few times!

It has inspired us to gear up for the Spring/Summer, so we headed to Old Navy and chose our swim get-ups.

We even went so far as to trot over to the Lehi Legacy Center for a dip. (Georgia, thought we were getting wet anyway, might as well start now, and minutes before our arrival at said pool, she was wet. So she sat sullenly on the side).

She did not appreciate me documenting her misdemeanor.