The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

My kids this morning instead of attending Church.

Grab a snack.  This is going to be a long post.  In reading in the Book of Mormon I've been trying to impart the importance of journaling to my offspring, so I decided to "journal" in an attempt to make some good of the day.  And, my Aunt Louise cussed me out for not posting enough pictures of said offspring.  I'm also feeling guilty about sluffing Stake Conference.  

The Good: The girls are back in their room with new texture on the walls and ceiling, and new paint.

The Bad: Sans moulding.

The Ugly: Mae fell between the bed and the wall and shimmied under the bed as she wailed at 3:54 this morning.  She came to sleep with me which means that one or more body parts fall asleep, but not my entire being.

The Good: Sunroc had a $5 rebate on their awesome paint.

The Bad: It ended yesterday and I forgot to get the rest of it to finish the rest of the house after it's textured.

The Ugly: It's called "Solitaire"...as in solitary confinement?  Is it grey, is it purple, ugh?  It better look awesome when it's all done. 

The Good: I have a new pantry!   I knocked out a wall, framed the pantry and around the fridge. 

 I even moved an outlet, a light switch and a light fixture.

The door you see used to belong to a broom closet around the corner. 

The Bad: Don't tell a code inspector how low that outlet is now. 

We missed the era when that paint (yes it's paint, not paper) was awesome.

The Ugly: That big new fridge has been broken for 2 weeks.  The compressor that usually lasts longer than the hinges on the doors.  Gone. 

Sunroc and Home Depot have gotten 1/2 of our money this week.  McDonalds and local gas stations, the other.

And my kids look like hooligans.

*Refer back up to the last photo

The Good: She knows the meaning of  "potty", "toilet", and "bafroom", and has the most delicious booty you've ever seen in a pair of Elmo undies.  *we don't say "panties" it sounds so icky.*

The Bad: She will go when I take her, but not on her own.

The Ugly:  She's pooped this week at the library and Isaac's soccer game. 

More Good: Jason and his bro. Jeremy are awesome drywallers.

The  man and his mud.

I found this lenoleum under the carpet in the closet I was working on.  I like to call it "Walking on Sunshine"

The sunshine one gets from fried green tomatoes.  Thanks mom for planting this year since we couldn't!

Homemade bread.  When we were out painting baseboards yesterday, our self-proclaimed nosey neighbor brought us some homeade bread.  It goes swimmingly with our homemade apricot jam!  And I'm pretty sure it tastes better when you cut it on a cutting board that has sheetrock dust on it.

More Good: Jason re-hung the swing and now my kids don't feel nearly as abandoned.

The Bad: I missed pear picking.  Apparently it's not the same as any other kind of picking.  So when I went to see if they were ready I just found them all on the ground already.

The ugly: The project behind the swing that we can't finish without a bobcat.  A dog run that was very well made and very unneccesary.

The Good: My kids love school.

They all got great teachers and are making friends so now it's just Mae and Me in the morning.  We should start a radio show.

Georgia got to go to kindergarten at school instead of homeschool.

The Bad: It was- open the playdough and see ya' mom!

The Ugly: Note the refrigerator pictures once more.  One of those yellow papers magneted to the front lists the school schedule.  While tearing down walls Wednesday last (the second day of kindergarten), I watched the clock intently for 11:30 so I could pick up George on time.  Then I realized at 11:15 that she got out at 11:05!  Then I realized  it was Wednesday, which is early out day so Jorge had been sitting in the office waiting for me since 10:50.

The Ugliest of all:  I've been late to get her twice in two weeks.  I suck.

The Good: Chloe had her 2nd Birthday on September 9th.  Commemorated with a bath and a party.

The Bad: She hadn't had a bath since we moved in two months ago.

The Ugly: She peed on the plastic in the dining room and we had to clean the plastic and the floor.  Ick.

The Good:  I get to do flowers for a really cool couple next weekend.  I did a bouquet for pictures this week.

There is no bad or ugly in this situation!

The Good: Finished my first Half Marathon in 2:36!  No resuscitation or iv fluid required!

Apparently my kids are singing barbershop and Jason is beat boxing.

Everyone was at the finish to cheer me on!  Last time George had to use the can and they missed it.

The Bad: I've only been running once since my race.  If I'm going to make a habit of it I should really make a habit of it.

The Ugly: Which, it turns out is VERY good.  My running pants sagged as I ran.  I spent a good portion of the race tugging them back up :) 

Phew!

More from Cali

I've been trying to think of some more stories about Ft. Ord that I want to include in a personal history, but what I remember are bits and pieces so I'll toss them around here...

I went to a friend's house for a sleepover. I didn't know her very well, but her family was great. Tons of kids. We sat down to eat dinner around a picnic style table and a bowl of soup was placed before me. I have never been a picky eater, so I started right in. I was thoroughly enjoying the meal when I asked what kind of soup we were eating. Her dad informed me it was rabbit stew. One of the children informed me that dear-old-dad had shot it yesterday. I swear I pulled a pellet out of my mouth during dinner, but the mind can play tricks on you (especially one aging like mine). After dinner we spun on the tire swing again and again. The following morning I puked again and again. Cause undetermined.

There was a park down the hill from our house that was situated in a "bowl". I LOVED rollerskating and chipped two teeth in at the bottom of this bowl. Good times :)

My best friend lived in the same duplex we lived in. She was black, her name Jewell Dunlap. Every other Saturday she'd have to spend half the day inside while I paced, to have her hair washed and braided. Those Saturdays were the longest of my life. She and I would put on talent shows incessantly. We'd deliver invitations to the neighbors who'd show up during dinner and we'd jam to Wham!, Michael Jackson, and Whitney Houston.

My mom threw a baby shower for our tiny,enormously pregnant, Filipino neighbor, whose water broke during the shower. My mom finally discovered what she thought was a bladder control issue and proceeded with her to the hospital to coach her through delivery since her husband was overseas.

I'll NEVER forget the day I discovered my third grade teacher, Ms. Cornell was a smoker. I was so disappointed in her. :(

I had an enormous ?cloth? poster of Michael Jackson in a white and yellow suit hanging above my bed and a Burger King poster of the Jackson 5 on another wall.

I played "Lucy" in a Charlie Brown play in 3rd grade. I had to dig deep to get into a an annoying, loud-mouthed, boy-crushing girl like "Lucy".

More from Cali

My dad is a born and bred Utahn, and a cowboy. So, it goes without saying that he loved his farm dogs. He loves heelers. So, when we moved to Cali we got a Queensland Blue Heeler. We named her Jesse...and Jesse 2.



This is how it all went down. We drove to Utah for a mid-summer visit. It must have been aroun '84. We always had fun in Goshen because nearly all the cousins lived there and they had horses and trucks you could drive around the field, and hay to stack, and Grandma Mary had a family room the size of Jason's ugly new (old) Cadi that we held talent shows in. We brought Jessie with us.



Grandpa Henry and Grandma Virgie lived in the house across the driveway from Grandma Mary's House in what my mom affectionately calls "the compound" (3 homes within 40 feet of eachother sharing the farm). Grandpa Henry was in the haze of alzheimer's. We'd catch him peeing on the tires of the cars (we thought it was so cool), and my Uncle Brent would lock and re-lock and re-purchase locks for the cellar Grandpa Henry was always tyring to get in to get coal and such. He would tell us the greatest stories of his time playing baseball (was it semi-pro?), and all sorts of stuff that happened many moons ago, but he couldn't remember anything recent.



My parents elsewhere, my awesome, eclectic Aunt Kathy (Dad's Aunt), was sitting with me at Grandma Mary's when Grandpa Henry came in with Jessie's collar. I thought irritatingly, she had gotten away from it and now we'd have to search for her. Luckily, my fears were put to rest when Grandpa Henry asked, "Does this belong to anyone here? I just hit the dog." He said it like he was talking to the neighbors and honestly, after growing up on a farm, maybe that's how you'd say it to your grandkids too. Grandpa Henry made roadkill of our dog and what good did it do to be mad at a sweet old man with alzheimer's? So we moved on to Jessie 2. She had 3 puppies in the backyard dog run and my dad cropped their tales with our butcher knife. Another reason you are so cool if you grow up on a farm.

I have used my Christensen butt/thighs to bring to pass much good in my life. Not the least of which is becoming the all-time Chinese jumprope and "bars" champ at George S. Patton Elementary School in Ft. Ord California. *Which is why I didn't get beat up for wearing the Strawberry Shortcake knicker set my Aunt Chris made me, or the ribboned barrettes, complete with dangling star-ish shaped beads.

I jumped from ankles to ears when that rubberband rope (which I constructed), was pulled from my backpack. Though many a transient army brat tried, I was undefeatable. And, when I got bored with my Asian pastime I moved on to "the bars". Utah doesn't have bars like California has bars. We had rows of bars parallel to eachother about 5 feet apart and rising about 4 feet off the ground. We'd face eachother and gossip while we did our genie drops and various other death-defying tomfoolery. I could do anything you asked, and I did. Genie drops were a drop in the bucket. Within a couple of weeks of "the bars", I was doing everything with no hands. I shudder to think.

I got this picture from an ABC News article detailing the bacteria found on playground equipment across America. Really? Why are kids obese? Heaven forbid they get germs on their hands.

Once, while waiting for my brainiac brother to conference with his teacher (sans parents even, show-off), I decided to try the bars at the kindergarten playground on for size. Too small. Guess how I found out. Oh, the simple warm-up of a genie drop turned into a minor concussion that I was much too proud to tell anyone about. Imagine the full force of your body (starting in sitting position), being shoved back, in order to swing ones legs beneath oneself and land upright, hitting the ground at the base of the skull on sand covered asphalt. It was yummy. Maybe the concussion wasn't minor.

I wasn't dropped on my head as a baby. I was genie dropped at age 7.

I LOVE the 80's!

And now, more about me.

While I'm nearly going to get carried away in the details of my s-i-l's wedding, I must pause and remember...

1983

New address, 411 Hayes Circle Fort Ord, CA

You could have called me at (408) 384-6666

We'll be here for a while. This was a good time for me. I remember a lot about Cali.

My dad was stationed in Cali before we could all leave WA. So, we took advantage of a school break (most likely- my madre was never one to spontaneously remove us from our curriculum), and drove down the coast to Monterey to visit dear old dad.

We were in the habit of "K-mart hogie picnics" :) and so it goes, we seized our samiches and headed to the shore. New in town, we just searched for a place to park near the sea and hiked down the sand-built mountain to the beach. As my father's daughter, it was my duty to need to do my duty immediately upon arrival.

Big Dan graciously volunteered to take me to a potty (surely having to go himself), and Colton tagged along. We did our business and headed back to our feast. I was looking down at the sand as I ran (you'd have thought we were from a landlocked state with our enthusiasm for all things ocean. We didn't get out much), when I heard Colton yell, "DAD!" I glanced up and to my delight, I saw my first naked man.

Oh mama, he was a sight too. Rushing away from the tide. Broad smile, jogging posture, "80 year old balls..." *Big Daddy* sorry, I had to say it. Yes. He was OLD. OLD. And happy as any of the clams beneath the sand on which he chased the sea water. Mid-his-own-jog, my dad scooped us up by the head, fingers pressed against our eyeballs and ran for home. By the time we found a beach that was not nude, our hogies were soggy. Oh, and we saw humpback whales migrating.

And that's how sex education should be done.

No sign of this sign

Like it Never Happened

I am enrichment leader and lucky me, the first 3 activities were pre-planned and mostly I showed up and hosted. Well, last week we had Mrs. Cora Sawyer (her love's name is Tom and one of her son's is Mark Twain Sawyer), for our Relief Society Birthday dinner. She displayed some of the most beautiful dresses and "drawers" dating from the 1800's. She knew story after story about her "Onery Armstrong" side of the family. She said (basically),

"If you don't write it down it's as if it never happened."

We were encouraged to write our history. You do it too.

So here goes.

Story #1

My Earliest Memory

As far as I know I was only 3 or 4 (1980) when this happened. I remember going to a large park in Washington. We were at some sort of festival. Colton and I were intrigued by all the goings on and especially with an area where there was water. I don't have the foggiest idea if it was a lake or a fountain, but I wanted to swim. Well, Colton, being of the male persuasion just stripped down to his skivvies. I, on the other hand, had to have a more creative solution to nakidity.

My dad was all over this. I distinctly remember being whisked into a potty and stripped down to the My Little Ponies's and my dad's long striped knee highs tied together in front and back to hide my baby boobs. I think even then I was slightly embarrassed. Probably didn't last long when I hit the agua. Thanks for not using duct tape and pennies dad.

Other 1980-ish stats:

-Lived at 5604 South Mullen, Tacoma

-I had a bowl cut, my mom, an afro, my bro the partridge family kid cut, my dad, same as today

-We had a robber break into our house and steal some jeans while we were in the back

-I went to The Little Red Schoolhouse

-We watched Star Trek laying on our giant pillows next to the fireplace my parents re-faced with diagonal cedar. That was a HOT look. (I took the same wood off of my fireplace in our first condo)

-We watched a 3d movie at home

-My dad was travelling for the Army all the time and my mom used to take Colton and I to a place called Racks (Rax?) for stroganoff baked potatoes and salad bar often.

-My mom's co-workers hired a stripper covered in balloons to surprise her on her birthday.

-My friend's dad used to call me Brandywine- what an idiot

-I would eat kimche at my Fillipino friend Jennifer's house.
-Colton took break dancing lessons from my bff Linda's brother, Mao. He was hot.

-I chased Colton around the house with a meat knife while we were being babysat. Don't know if my parents knew that one! :)

-I was jumproping at recess in my favorite grey and purple striped mini-skirt outfit when said skirt ended up around my ankles.

-Our school had a "Santa's Workshop" where we could buy gifts for our parents and I got my mom a faux gold fan necklace that really opened and closed. I was so proud.

-I jumped off the top of the "big toy" (playground) at our school, Manitou Elementary and bit through my tongue.

This is the Alma-mater today

-I had a shoe kicking fetish and kicked my shoe on top of the onery guy's grocery on the way home from school. I had to go ask the jerk if he'd get my shoe down. He actually did.

-Our babysitter's husband Mike Tysoned some guys ear up the street in a neighborhood feud.

-Our babysittery's son tore up his knee while we were playing pickle in the yard.

-Across the street from our babysitter lived an old man that had a grandson in a motorized wheelchair that used to run over us for fun.

-The people across the street from us had purple velvet curtains and tons of kids. 10 I think.

-I spilled something every dinner as I spun the lazy susan on our table.

-My brother got bitten by 3 dogs within a span of about a month.

-I had a big baby blue bike with a fat ol' seat. I dreamed of having a banana seat.

-I gave my parents a one-woman show singing "Ebony and Ivory", only I thought they said, "...on my kiano keyboard..." huh?