Refresher Course

Things are getting much too serious around here. I've freaked out on my 6 year olds enough this week for not remembering to start adding in the ones column and forgetting to "run" the sounds together rather than sound and repeat the Dick and Jane book words.

What in heaven's name am I doing homeschooling?
1. Teaching my children how to learn - freaking out teacher not one of the ways I imagined.
2. Evoking a love of learning - once again, freaking out afrohead mother not going to do it.
3. Spending ever so much time knowing my children - the ones who say, "Mama, I love you," even after I freak out.

Next week we'll be having a Spring Break of sorts. I'm going back to our roots. When we enjoyed eachother's company and I wasn't running to 18,000,000 stores to find this supply or that. Forget creating baby geniuses, impressionist art, or blenvying 'til I want to slit my wrists. Let's eat paste and chill with a couple hundred good books on the back lawn.

I am regressing back to my Grant Elementary days as a first year teacher, changing and changing 'til midnight, and changing again after each seminar or mentor session, or walking by some other teacher's room. Makes me want to throw up.

Elder Robert D. Hales spoke in our last Stake Conference and in the midst of his talk - mostly on temples (I remember thinking it sounded like a random thought), he said something to the affect of 'Why can't we be happy just being ourselves'? He was looking right at me I swear. I was watching on the enormous screen put up in the overflow. I always want to be me, only better, but I always think that girl (or homeschool mom, or photographer, or wife, or diva:) ) over there is my version of better.

I'm all for improving myself. If I could only improve by myself I'd be so much better off. Anyone seen a good blog on that?