Mondayn

It's not Monday, but it's been a while since I blogged and I thought rather than getting out of practice I'd post something mundane. You know, "One man's trash is another man's treasure." You may gather some pearls from our daily lives. From now on I'll try to limit the Mondayn to Mondays. Don't quote me on that.


Today I went out to my car to grab something and it smelled of poop (not the thing I grabbed, the car). Eww. You just said it aloud too.





This does not substantiate the argument with my husband that my beautiful new car does not stink.





So I grabbed every last carseat and tossed it in the bathtub for a soak. Eww. You would have said it again if you saw what I saw when the water accumulated in the bottom of the tub, and again when it drained...

I am a clean person. Type A some might say. So why the denial? Am I numb to my smelly car generally? Does it have to get to the poop-smell stage before I become aware?



Even worse, as I took apart the seats to put the cushions in the washer I realized that Mae's seat had an unusual configuration. Which means that her seat (previously Olivia's), had never been taken apart and cleaned. This is the carseat we got in Seattle when my brother got married because South West annihilated ours en route. Colton got married in '06.

Eww.

Boogey Man Schmoogey Man

1.5 years to be exact. I can tell you all about it now (although most of you reading this witnessed it firsthand anyway).

"Ya' know Jas, I beleive I'd get a doorknob," Said my f-i-l, Grant.

It was sheer laziness and perhaps a deep soul-felt trust in my fellow human beings.

I even asked my neighbor in the midst of the knoblessness to give us a quote on a security system.

I actually almost went out and got a new door just so I wouldn't have to pull the drill out to make the hole in the side standard (for today rather than almost 70 years ago).

Today, having dealt out two of the four banchees I felt I had better do something, so this is what I chose.
After going to Del Taco, e-mailing, checking FB 82 times, and complaining I had nothing to do.

Jason thinks it ought to be a good selling feature to be able to say that we had no doorknob for 18 months and not one problem to speak of.

I heart my commmunity.

School Day #1

I dropped off my kid's at school today the same way a normal person drops off her kindergartner in September. I only cried when Isaac's teacher was so ever-loving kind to him it broke my heart.

Liv's teachers were a little pissed. Pardon the French, but I believe they were. When I taught at Grant I'd have probably been as well. As it happened, I did have a home-schooler brought to me in the middle of the year, and he caught on immediately with what we were doing and it went swimmingly.

My first conversation with one of Liv's teachers went a little something like this...

"I tested her reading."
"uh-huh."
"She's behind."
"uh-huh." (you mean like I told you this morning when I dropped her off?)
"I mean VERY behind."
"uh-huh."
"I don't have anyone else in my class that low."
"Yup. I had her speech tested and she's got some form of auditory comprehension disability, but they didn't get too in-depth as she was going to a private school and they only tested her to see if she'd get resource help for a scholarship. I spoke to the school speech therapist and we've got an idea of what it is that slows her reading. We're going to have her tested to see just what she needs so she can be helped while she's at school."
"She's only reading on a first grade level."
"uh-huh." I've taught her for a year myself. I know what level she's reading at. My first grader has surpassed her.
"And why does she write in cursive?"
"That's what we taught at the Montessori school. It's easier for little scribblers (and it's just plain pretty, I should have added). Is it a problem for her to write in cursive?"
It was her turn this time, "uh-huh."
"Won't she be doing only cursive next year?"
again, "uh-huh."
"But for now she can't?"
"Un-uh"
"Well I guess we'll work on her printing."
"She's really low. Do you think her cursive has interfered with her reading?"
"Absolutely not. She always reads books in print. Always reads my work in cursive and she reads both on the same level. If anything it shows more intelligence that she can "translate". I'm a certified (well, it's expired, so I guess I'm not), teacher.
-Meaning I'm not some schmuck off the streets wanting to stay up late and sleep in, travel whenever I want to, and have my children make leather wallets to sell on Ebay. Although 2/3 are wonderful benefits to homeschooling. Besides, any schmuck would know a 1st-2nd grade level curriculum. Not that he'd want to teach it, but still.

I have the other teacher thinking Montessori is of the devil. I really need to keep my mouth shut or keep running it until it is all out on the carpet. I've sent my kids from one philosophy to the next. They won't converge for many moons, or some might argue, not at all.

Moral: It was the first day of school in the middle of the school year (and I am a schmuck for that). Can we give eachother a break?

So, while the learning we've done (and continue to do), at home focuses on one thing or another, I can probably be assured that it won't be the same thing focused on at "the big school" that Olivia has so longingly called it for the last couple years. I'll probably have a few more conversations about what Olivia knows or doesn't know, but, as of tomorrow I won't take it personally and I won't give it either. Let's just help these kiddos learn and be happy.

My feel-goods are really tender right now, so go easy on me. It's taken exactly one year for me to determine that I'm not a nice enough to teach my kids. It takes a special person, or at least someone not as anal retentive.

I've reached the conclusion that my relationship with my children will always trump the benefits of homeschool (even as they all come flooding into my consciousness and I woefully push them back). I kept giving it "one more day", one more prayer to get myself together, but as all of the neighborhood probably knows, every day it was one reason or another that I lost my temper with a student/the love of my life.

So here's to trying and moving on to better ways. I'll be so sad to let them go for the better part of the day, but to be honest, walking into that school to get the registration paperwork brought back some sweet memories that I hope my kids will enjoy also. Hopefully when everyone is literate and such (anger management classes ;]), we'll give it another go. For now, I get a big fat F in homeschooling.

Christmas '09

Christmas Rewind...

swdlolrrllrrpopp! (rewind sound)

Lego Rock Band (Thanks a MILLION Uncle Colt and Aunt Lisa), jam with our buddy Zach on guitar. Notice the technique.

Chloe playing Lego Rock Band.

The song of choice is "We will, wE wiLl Rock YOu!"




The aftermath. Taken with my new Nikon 10-24mm wide angle lens from by sweetheart. He always knows. How does he always know?

Georgia could just not get enough. We had her unwrapping presents for everyone to try to satiate her.

This one, who looks like she should be on the short bus, perused the goods without a sound on her new pony, eating organic fruit twists, mittens still attached to her new snow hat.

What do you get the men who have everything? Coveralls and...

Hair clippers. I'm a lame present giver.

Santa's Thank-you note.

The calm before the storm. Taken by me, wishing I had a wide-angle lens.

This was he first year things really started to get tough for Santa and his helpers. It's rough trying to be that sneaky.

P.S. Grandma and Grandpa are spoilers!!!

Go Forth...

Read this...

Be better.

If My Head Wasn't Tied On!

I completely forgot the entire point to my previous G,B & U post.
Having gone to get a pedicure and get my severely neglected nails done, Sarah and another girl were giggling under the dryer while I was still a work in progress. By the time I got over there we were all distracted by a 60-ish party goer with an enormous chignon and jingle bell earrings. She was in for a last-minute pedicure before her fiesta. Then more giggles erupted from our dryer buddy and when Sarah and I turned we saw that she was decked out in a strapless cocktail dress a couple sizes too small. "Good for her," we all agreed although we all silently hoped that our confidence will never over-reach our good sense.
"You haven't even seen the best part," I was told. So our new friend told me to inconspicuously turn to my right. There I saw...


A hairy mole.

Only the one I saw was attached to a man's face. And the length of it's hair was much greater. I don't know if moles are sacred in his culture, if it was malignant and therefore dangerous to go near with a razor, maybe if I'd looked closer I could have seen the Virgin Mary in the curl of the hair. But for whatever reason, this well-groomed Asian man had a mole on his cheek with its mane growing to his chin. Maybe it's what he uses to keep his head tied on. Maybe I need one too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGE!

As of today, we have a 7 year old, a 6 year old, a 5 YEAR OLD, and a 1 year old.

Georgia says:

"You're a stinky butt."

She won't tell me anything else to write in this post. The important thing for you to note is that she whispered it to me as a secret, as she has two volumes, "secret" whisper, and SCREAM!!!

She will maul any animal within sight no matter how bad her skin breaks out or how far her eyes swell shut.

We are having breakfast for dinner tonight per her request.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good:

My mom begged me to let her keep my kids last weekend as their Christmas present! Guess what I said?!

Went to beloved Seattle (or thereabouts this time)

As usual, the trip is all about the company and the food. Saw the twins (still baking), while Sarah and I made ourselves scarce from the ranch and the other chittlins and Angelo and got some OH SO GOOD...

for dinner Friday.

Sushi and terriyaki for lunch on Saturday with a little

sprinkled in.

Aztec chocolate was my favorite. It bites back with some pepper thrown in. They know the perfect ratio so as to make you feel the heat without tasting the pepper. AMAZING!

And for dinner we were serenaded by a mature Indian man's song 'Ode to Grandchildren' (which reminded me of my smitten parents), before he served us some Aloo Gobi and Goa Chicken for take out.

I slept in Emmeline's bed which she assured me did not smell.

The Carvajal's home is WONDERFUL! They'd love to see you in it. Especially if you like babies. Especially in March.

The Bad:
All good things must come to an end. The trip and the donuts.

Thought my camera was broken. Angelo assured me that Seattle weather does that to all electronics.

I bought Christmas clothes for Isaac and Mae for Sunday before I realized that Christmas comes before Sunday. LOL!

My poor big Indian volunteered to drive 4 hours round trip to drop me off at Sarah's for a visit while he did some business and attended a round dance in Yakima. (This may very well fit into The GOOD category).

The Ugly:
My kids' faces (except Mae) when I tell them that we're leaving Grandma and Grandpa's house.

Getting the Finger

I shut the bathroom door on this poor chica's finger 2 weeks ago. 4 hours later she'd come out of the funky sedative they give youngins' and had 11 stitches holding it in place. Yet she still has what Jason deems "a weird fatal attraction" to me.

It's ugly. Oh, it's ugly!

$1400 is even uglier. I hope she has the Midas Touch. That's a lot of $20/month payments. If you'd like to contribute:

NMOA

Negligent Mothers of America Fund

or

FPHMOA

Former Potential Hand Models of America

I'll take your pics :)

On a lighter note, she said her first sentences this week...

"Owie stinky" {translated: Diarrhea}

"Owie Coe" {translated: Owie Chloe; Chloe just scratched my foot}

She's so much like Liv whose first sentence was "Owie chair."

It's in the Bag

I am not readily accessorizable. I attribute it to the freckles. The canvas is already too busy with those pigment pocks to carry a chandelier earring or a even a print shirt.

Anyhoo, I must get a new Fossil bag annually to add some color to my life. Here's the newest addition...

Isn't she lovely. She's called Talita. Came with a little bird keychain.

Traditions

Christmas is a time of traditions. We only have Christmas Eve jammies thus far. I'm not one for keeping things up I guess. However, we do have some on-going traditions...

Review of our family traditions:

-When the kids ask a question I always answer, "Your nose."

-"The Chop" Even Mae knows how to give a good chop to the neck whenever there's an opening.

-Whenever my in-laws are around I hurt or neglect to stop an injury to a child (of mine). Here's to hoping that won't live on.

-Driving through Heber City, Jason and Isaac stop to get fried gizzards at the gas station on the end of town.

-Cherry Coke and Coke w/ a squeeze of lime refills. I won't tell you how often. If you really cared you'd have gotten me some by now.

Home for the Holidays

Got enough vintage bulbs at DI to add to my wreath this year. They're on the chandi too, but I'm too lazy to go take a picture of it, so you'll just have to imagine it in that pretty little brain of yours.

This is our pre-makeover elf also courtesy of DI. He's already looking kind of metrosexual, so I may add some buffalo plaid or Timberlands to square him up. Or maybe this is Dorothy Hammel?

And the after Christmas sale at Walmart produced this tree in the back of our storage closet. I'd forgotten about it. The elephant child (Liv) just knew we had a white tree, even after I told her we didn't.

Oh Holy Christmas Songs

I'm usually not listening to Christmas music until December 25th at noon. However, this year I've been in the Christmas spirit since mid November. Thankfully, our materialistic society supplies ample Christmas coverage beginning in October, so I can tune to 100.3 or 106.5 on the Easy-listening dial and have all of my needs met.

By leaps and bounds my favorite is "Oh Holy Night", especially the Josh Groban version because I can sing in whatever octaves he's singing in at high decibals. However, there are a few Christmas songs that I could do without.

First of all, who invited a drumming child to the birth of a baby? I'll bet my life that Mary gave at the very least a stern look to those kings. You know how in other countries animals say different things than they do in the states? For example in Lithuanian a cow says "wuuahh" instead of "moo". I wonder what english speaker made, "per um puh pum pum" the sound of a drum? Must have been ESL.

WATCH OUT! "Logs on the fire fill me with desire..."?? I had to watch the Karen Carpenter story at South Cache Junior High at least 7 times. As if I'd miss a meal? Anywho, that's gross. That's not the Christmas spirit I was going for. I guess in the 70's that was the vibe. I bet there was many a child born September-October, 1971 thanks to those logs.

Finally, it boggles my mind that "Last Christmas" by George Michael is such an enormous hit with retailers. I don't even recall hearing a different celebratory song on Black Friday and I was in Game Stop for two hours standing in line while one of two clerks tested a Wii trade-in.

Blessed #8

My husband and his fam are off to the traditional Fort Duschene Thanksgiving Powwow and also, as tradition would have it, they are not expecting me to attend. I am off to shop. I was lucky enough to book enough sittings to save Black Friday money. I may leave at 2:30 so I can be at Old Navy when it opens. It's all up in the air. Tomorrow is the only day of the year that I am nothing but materialistic.

My tummy's materialistic too. We're going to eat iguana meat at Beto's for breakfast (Diane said she'd never been there a few years back for this reason. Of course they'd serve iguana meat. It's much more economical than beef, pork or chicken). We immediately made that another of our holiday traditions.

On the list:
-scooters (since Toys R Us solved the problem of me having all of the scooters I need by misplacing 1/2 of my order)
-2 Pre-owned Nintendo DS Lites
-whatever else tickles my fancy and fits into the budget

If you're going too, what are you doing reading this? GET OUT THERE AND SHOP! If you're not, don't judge.

Blessed #7 (Lucky)

Le Menu

(Because anything French is Fancy)

Roast Turkey with Rosemary and Sage Butter

Citrus and Brown Sugar Glazed Ham

Creamed Potatoes

Corn Bread and Herb Stuffing with Gizzards and Egg (I know, super fancy)

Sweet Potatoe Casserole with Candied Pecan Streusal

Collard Greens With Bacon

Mixed Greens with Strawberries and Herb Garlic Brie (just for moi)

Fried Cornbread

Desserts

Banana Pudding

Pumpkin Pie

Pecan Pie

Happy Thanksgiving!

The big Indian and I are in full Thanksgiving-prep mode. He has yet to clean off his desk and we have to gut the living room to serve dinner because in the 1940's everyone was a midget and therefore dining rooms needed to be no bigger than 6x8.

I've painted the window frame in our bedroom and the wall behind our bed where I spackled around the too big holes for the sconces many moons ago. I'm making new bedroom curtains and pillows tonite. Very important for hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I also painted the baseboards in the hallway downstairs because they attract grime impervious to cleaning solution and Thanksgiving partygoers would lose their appetites if they travelled their before dinner.

Nevermind that the people coming for dinner are here at least twice weekly and hold handrum practice in our bedroom.

Blessed #6

I had another post up because I thought I ought to post something this week.

It was really stupid (that's a bad word at our house so don't tell my kids I posted it).

I needed to be reminded of how great my friends are and how blessed I am that I've had so many close friends. It was pretty silly.

I am in sort of funk ever since some folks on Facebook blacked out their names on me.

They were mad that I didn't agree politically. One put "Oh good grief" as a comment and just like that, we were estranged.

Then the other one followed and she wasn't even part of our conversation. The first one must have told her friend not to like me.

I don't know these people, which I think makes it worse that they want nothing to do with me.

Then Chloe ran across the street to try to make a new friend while I was blowing leaves and the lady holding the dog that Chloe was so anxious to get to know proceeded to scream louder than the leaf blower and kick the dickens out of her in front of her mom, Olivia.

Liv said, "You know what I wanted to do Mama? I wanted to tell her, 'Do you like me to kick your dog?' and then I'd still kick it."

A friend of mine posted, "likes people. Almost 99% of the time." Yup.

I'm still feeling funky, but today I feel blessed that wasn't on the list of people that a former boss of mine hired some inmates to murder.

And because I am going to see a silly movie at midnight with some people who would never blackout their names on Facebook.

Blessed #5

I am so thankful to be able to hang out at home with the chittlins while Jason is off hunting bacon.

We have a sort of educational system here that we call

Home Schooling.

However, my kids are not homeschoolers as this educational video will point out.

Blessed #4

Happy Veteran's Day!

Thank God today that there are people willing to stand in harm's way to defend our way of life.

Agency and freedom are blessings worth fighting for.

I am so proud of our family who serve/have served...

Major Dan R. Christensen, U.S. Army, Retired

Major C. Colton Christensen, U.S. Air Force

Captain Lisa H. Christensen, U.S. Air Force

Grandpa Dan

Uncle David

Grandpa Henry

Ryan Christensen

Preston Higgs

blessed #3

I don't know who you are or what posessed you to dismiss this incredible fixture, but tonite, to you I am entirely grateful.

Seconds before I left my parents' home my dad casually produced this masterpiece. She's so fabulous I'll have to give her a name.

Franny.

Who gets rid of this stuff?

Are you high?

My dad used to frequent the Logan Deseret Industries when I was growing up. I literally hid under the dash until we were at least 50 feet clear of the driveway. Now I daresay I go more often than he does to thrift stores. At least 85% of my children's clothes and shoes are secondhand. This is my little way of giving back to the environment by recycling. LOL. LOL again, with my mouth really wide open. Really, I'm just both cheap and vain(ish).